Nobody likes to feel sad. So we avoid. We run and convince ourselves that actually everything’s ok when sometimes, everything’s not. And that’s ok.
And things can seem good. In your life, in your head, but the heart will be sad. Sometimes.
My heart is sad. My head is good but my heart is sad. And that’s ok. Sometimes we work against ourselves. We fight against our feelings to pick ourselves up and heal and feel good. Now. Surely it’s wrong to feel sad so I will strive and strive to fix. But sometimes our unconscious and our body will take over. Our minds think they know best but they are young and often wrong. The wise old heart will step in just in the nick of time and bring up some of the feelings that we were trying our hardest to avoid. It will make us stop and see ourselves as we really are. It will make us stop and feel the bad. The bad we were so desperately trying to run away from.
In yoga you are taught to sit with things. Yoga brings you into the present. With the breath. It quietens everything down. You are encouraged to be still and listen. To yourself, your body and your heart.
If you are bored, sit with it. If you are sad, sit with it. If you are happy, ya – sit with it. Feel it and nothing else. It’s important. It seems the opposite. But it really is important.
When was the last time you let yourself simply feel without trying to fix it. Distract yourself. Entertain yourself. Heal yourself, etc. If we don’t start to learn how to sit and feel then we numb ourselves. We won’t feel the bad as strong sure, but we also won’t feel the good and that’s no life at all. We will actually forget how to feel at all.
Often times I feel like I am drifting through life. Nothing’s that bad but nothing’s that great, either. You begin to lose touch with feelings. Everything kind of flat lines and suddenly life just seems to be happening to you. You are out of touch. Things start to seem unreal. You have a lot more pinch me moments. Not because you can’t quite believe your luck but because you’re desperately trying to check that yes, you’re still alive in there.
So I am sad this week. And I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank you wise old heart for stopping me from flatlining. For teaching me how to feel again. For giving me no other choice. For making me see and sit with my sadness at work and on the bus and in downward dog. For dregging up all those feelings that I have pushed down for far too long. For letting me process so I can start to let go of some deep, deep wounds and really start to heal. A whole new layer. For a whole new year.
to the mind that is still,
the whole Universe surrenders.